I clutched the
steering wheel and shot a nervous glance at my wife. She flashed me an excited smile.
“This is it,” she
said, happily. “We are having our baby!”
I smiled back,
trying to look confident and reassuring.
I hoped I had brought all of the bags she had packed for this
event. She had poured over her list a
dozen times, packing and repacking what she called the “absolutely necessary
essentials.”
“Oh, here comes another one,” my wife
moaned. Her attitude changed quickly
from excitement to dread.
With one hand on
the steering wheel, I reached to squeeze her arm. “Remember to relax and breathe,” I said.
She nodded, her
eyebrows contracted tightly over closed eyes, and began huffing and puffing
like a champion. I looked up to see the
traffic light turn red and slammed on the brakes just in time.
Her arms flew
out, grasping the dashboard, and she groaned like I beat her. “Don’t do that!” she hissed, still breathing
hard.
The light took
forever to turn green again, and I began to fear that we would have the baby in
the car. Somewhere I had read a pamphlet
on precipitous birth. Make sure the baby’s cord doesn’t come out
before the baby does…don’t pull on the baby as it’s being born…keep the baby
warm…um…my mind went blank. What if
I couldn’t remember what all I was supposed to do?
Finally, the
light turned green, and I turned down the narrow street leading to our birth
center. Never had I been so relieved to
see our midwife and her assistant greet us at the door. They looked so calm and happy. How did they do that? I shot worried glances at each of them,
hoping they realized the severity of the situation.
They ushered us
into a room. The candles flickered
romantically, the air smelled like some kind of flower, and music played softly. My wife sighed and sank onto her knees by the
bed.
“I’m so glad to
be here,” she murmured. I was beginning
to feel the same way. Anything was
better than the drive on the highway, and I felt a sense of relief that we had
arrived.
I was sent to
bring the bags in from the car while the midwife checked on my wife. Again, I hoped I had brought all of her
essentials. I dropped the bags in the
closet as the midwife was finishing her exam.
“Hold your wife’s
hand, daddy,” the assistant instructed me softly.
I had never
known until this day how strong my wife’s grip could be. I leaned close and whispered in her ear,
“I’ve got you, baby.”
Her eyes were
shut but they crinkled at the corners with amusement. “No, I’m the one who’s got the baby,” she
whispered pointedly.
I grinned, glad
that she still had a sense of humor.
That was a good sign, right?
“Okay, you are
5cm and you’ve got a bulgy bag,” the midwife announced cheerfully.
I searched my
brain for the interpretation of this mysterious message. I was sure I must have read the translation
in one of the books my wife had given me.
Five centimeters – that was dilation, and I remembered we had to go to
10 centimeters before she could start pushing.
Bulgy bag -- my mind could not
recall any chapters on bulgy bags.
“Bulgy bag? Is that a good thing or a bad thing?” I
asked.
The assistant
grinned. “It’s a good thing,” she said.
And with that
brief explanation, my wife and I stepped into a time warp. I am sure that is what it was. Hours passed, ticking by with intolerable
slowness and flying by in the blink of an eye – sometimes doing both at the
same time.
During
contractions, my wife breathed slowly and deeply, rocking back and forth. Her eyes were closed and she seemed to sink
into a world inside herself, a world that narrowed to her and her baby. For a moment, I would feel left out of that
world and then she would say “Rub my shoulders” or “Please play with my hair”
or “Can you push against my back?” and I would realize that I was as much a
part of this as she was.
In between
contractions, my wife would open her eyes and laugh and talk. The assistant came in to time contractions
and we ended up swapping stories. In
moments like these it was hard to believe we were in labor.
After 2 or three
hours, things started getting more serious.
My wife moaned through her contractions.
In between contractions, she laid her head against me and slept. The midwife and her assistant nodded and
smiled, assuring me that this was a normal part of labor. I felt that I completely lost track of time.
“Thirsty?” the
assistant asked me at one point, as my wife rested against my shoulder.
I looked at her
rather blankly for a moment. I hadn’t
even thought about whether I was thirsty or not. Then my wife took a deep breath and started
her next contraction. It seemed selfish
to worry about something as paltry as thirst when she was obviously in much
more discomfort than I could ever be.
As the
contraction ended, however, I felt a tap on my arm. Looking up, I saw the assistant holding out a
cup with a straw.
“Daddies need to
take care of themselves, too,” she said.
“Oh, I’ll be
fine,” I said. “I can manage.”
She scowled at
me. “We’ve still got a little ways to go
and we don’t need you passing out at the end,” she scolded.
I grinned and
took the drink. At the same time,
however, I was hoping that we didn’t have too much farther to go. My wife was tired.
Not too much
longer after that, everything changed again.
My wife cried out during a contraction.
Her eyes flew open. “I can’t do
this!” she cried. I froze, unable to
respond. I had never seen her so
desperate, so at the end of herself. Was
this how women died in childbirth?
The midwife slid
into a seat in front of my wife. “Yes,
you can,” she said, firmly but gently.
Like a tender coach, she started talking. “You can do this. Take a deep breath, all the way down to your
baby…” Her voice droned on, and I could
see my wife latch onto her every word.
My wife nodded and breathed. I
still felt lost.
“I can do this…I can do this,” my wife
murmured.
Part of me felt
shame that I panicked. Obviously, at the
moment, the midwife was helping my wife more than I was. But the other part of me still felt very
worried. How did the midwife know that this
was okay? I knew my wife, and I had
never seen my wife like this before. I
knew my wife was not a weak person – did the midwife understand how serious
this situation was?
My wife’s eyes
were closed again. “My back,” she
moaned.
The midwife
looked at me, nodded to me, expected me to help. I reached my fists down my wife’s back,
applying pressure as I had before.
“Thank you,” my
wife murmured with a sigh of relief.
The assistant
flashed me a “thumbs up” signal. “You’re
doing great.” I was glad somebody
thought so. I leaned down and pressed my
lips against my wife’s shoulder.
“Now let
everything go,” the midwife instructed my wife.
“Lean back on your husband.
Rest.”
And so we started
a new normal. During contractions, my
wife was barely kept from the brink of desperation by the midwife’s steady
coaching. In between contractions, she
leaned back against me and appeared to sleep.
“I can’t keep
doing this,” my wife moaned quietly. “I
need a break.”
I had to agree. How much longer before she couldn’t do this
anymore?
“You won’t have
to do this forever,” the midwife said. “This
is the hard part. It doesn’t get any
harder than this. This is the
hard part. You can do this. You are doing it! You will get a break when the baby is out,
okay?”
My wife nodded
again, whispering under her breath, “I can do this…I can do this.”
The next
contraction started and my wife talked herself through it, murmuring “I can do
this” through the contraction. I found
the words playing over in my own head.
Suddenly something changed and my wife jerked in my arms. She shrieked like someone had startled her
and her eyes flew wide open. My
adrenaline went through the roof.
“Ahh,” she
protested, seeming to have lost her use of English in the excitement of the
moment. I looked down and saw water
seeping everywhere. It was running down
her legs. The puddle spread across the
floor. I felt some wetness soak into me,
and my stomach turned. This was asking
too much of a man.
The midwife and
assistant, on the other hand, seemed thrilled.
“Good work,
mama!” the midwife praised my wife.
“That was your bag of waters that you popped. Nice job!”
The assistant
grabbed a towel and cleaner and started cleaning it up with a huge smile on her
face. My wife responded to their praise
with a cheerful, lopsided grin.
The next
contraction was hard again, but my wife had a tone of confidence as she
murmured “I can do this” through that contraction. Even I felt a surge of hope. Surely this was a sign that we were getting
closer.
The next few
contractions were the same, hard but exciting.
I noticed, out of the corner of my eye, that the assistant was
double-checking the birth equipment.
Were we that close?
“My back,” cried
my wife. I pressed harder against her
back. “No,” she moaned. “It’s not helping.”
“That pressure
is not going away, mama,” the midwife said.
“That’s the baby’s head moving down.”
I moved my hand
away, figuring that it was useless if it was not helping.
“No, no! Come back,” my wife yelled. I slid my hands against her back again,
feeling like a naughty schoolboy for moving them. As the contraction faded, my wife reached a
hand to squeeze mine. “It helps a
little, after all,” she said.
The next
contraction started as the one before it.
Then my wife caught her breath involuntarily in a little grunt…then
again…then… “I have to push!” she shouted.
“Okay, let me
check you,” the midwife said with a nod.
A quick exam confirmed it, and, just like that, my wife was cleared for
pushing.
The atmosphere
in the room changed. My wife, who had
been so tired only moments before, was suddenly awake and energetic. She shifted around until she found a position
that worked for her and then she started pushing with contractions.
Pushing was hard
and long. I did not understand how it
took so long to move the baby only a matter of inches. The midwife kept saying things like “great
job” and “your baby is coming” and “you are moving your baby with each
push.” But we did push after push after
push, and I still saw no baby.
“It’s a
process,” the midwife said. “You are
slowly stretching with each push, letting the baby come down a little bit
more.”
Finally, the
midwife said, “I see hair!”
I half rose out
of my seat behind my wife, trying to catch a glimpse. “He’s out?” I asked, breathless.
“Oh, no,” the
midwife said. “He hasn’t even come all
the way under the pubic bone yet. He is
still inside.”
The pubic bone,
as I soon found out, was a formidable obstacle to birth. The midwife was very calm and cheerful as she
told us that he was rocking his way under the pubic bone. But contraction after contraction passed, and
he was still “rocking his way under the pubic bone.” I felt a sense of worry again and wondered if
God really meant to put that pubic bone there.
My wife was
frustrated with the pubic bone as well.
She pushed with all her might, but he was still “rocking under the pubic
bone.”
“Can’t you please
just pull him out,” she asked the midwife.
The midwife laughed. “No, honey,” she said. “You’ve got to do this part yourself. You are doing great.”
And so my wife
continued to push – farther, harder, and deeper as her midwife told her. Sometimes she held her breath and then let it
go in a little scream. I clutched her
shoulders as if I could hold her here on this earth.
“Not so tight,”
she moaned, brushing her fingers against my hands.
“Okay, push,
mommy!” the midwife said. “Push hard!”
…As if my wife
had not been pushing this whole time.
“Come on,
mommy! Don’t pull away from it! Push!
Push!” the midwife said. There
was an urgency in her voice, and my already rapid heart rate increased
again. My hands felt shaky.
“Okay, blow,
blow, blow, blow!” the midwife called.
The assistant put her face in front of my wife’s and coached her to blow
instead of push.
“Head!” the
midwife called. I felt the room swirling
around me.
“Time of birth,
somebody!” the midwife’s voice rang out.
And suddenly she was passing a limp form from my wife’s legs to her
chest. The assistant was there with a
blanket to wrap it, rubbing the bundle vigorously. And then I heard the screaming cry of a newborn
infant.
“Awww, sweet
baby!” the midwife crooned.
“Daddy!” the assistant’s
voice snapped through the fog that was gathering in my brain. “I need you!” she said. She was looked sharply at me as though she
sensed that I was fading away. “Help me
settle the new mommy and baby into the bed.”
The fog cleared
and I slid my wife back onto the pillows.
Then I crawled up next to her.
She was crying and laughing. “We
did it,” she exulted. Her face had never
looked happier or more beautiful. “That
was amazing,” she said. She looked at
the midwife. “Thank you so much,” she
said. Then her eyes found mine once
more.
“I love you,” I
said.
She settled into
the pillows like a contented little bird in her nest. “Look at our baby,” she murmured. “She is so beautiful.”
I peered into the
blankets at the newborn baby. Her eyes
were open already, staring wonderingly at her mother’s face.
“Hey, little
one,” I greeted her softly, rubbing my finger along her hand. She was so perfect.
Suddenly her hand
opened and then closed over my finger, holding it firm in her little grasp.
“Look at that,”
the assistant chuckled. “Wrapped around
each other’s fingers already.”
What a beautiful account of a beautiful moment. Thank you for sharing this with the world.
ReplyDelete